cootie

Zoë is twelve weeks old today, and in honor of this milestone, I cooked up something extra special for all you dedicated blog readers: An interview with her Uncle Curtis!

Now, humor me and kindly ignore the fact that this is only my second post and I'm already turning elsewhere for material - not to mention the fact that I am blatantly copying my favorite cousin-by-marriage-whom-I've-never-met, Erin, who frequently interviews family members and who is much better at this than I. I humbly bow at your feet, MO Mommy blog-master.

Good. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, there are a few things you need to know about Curtis. First, he is one of Zoë's eight uncles. Eight. And while she loves each of them dearly, Curtis has a special place in her heart because he comes to see her daily. Rather, Curtis has a special place in my heart because he comes to see us daily. And he brings me coffee. And the three of us watch "The Price is Right" together.

Lucky for us, Curtis lives nearby these days, thanks to a variety of weird circumstances I like to refer to collectively as FATE. He was at the hospital when Zoë was born and waltzed into the delivery room to meet his little niece bearing a six-pack and three chicken sandwiches for the new dad and mom, respectively. We love Curtis.

Curtis was a German major at Duke, then an English teacher in Japan. Now he is taking courses to prepare for physical therapy school, volunteering with the homeless soccer team at Urban Ministry Center, and working with stroke patients as a rehab technician at a hospital downtown. Oh yes, and he just adopted a little gimpy kitten named Kevin Bacon.

This kid has a heart of gold.

Here's what he had to say today.

Okay. This is a very serious interview. I expect honest answers. What is your favorite thing about Zoë?
Her cheeks.


Good answer.
And her butt.

What, specifically, about her butt do you most like?
It's quite large and round, and, uh, that's about it, specifically. I don't know her butt too well besides that.

*Editor's Note: Keep in mind that enormous cloth diapers cause Zoë's butt to appear much larger than it actually is.*

And, speaking of, why haven't you changed a diaper yet?
I blame Granci.

Can you elaborate?
She likes to do it more than I do.

Fair enough. Okay. How has Zoë changed over the last twelve weeks?
Her eyelashes are longer. (Pause) She is smiling and laughing more. Um, she - she is playing with her toys. She experienced a Davidson/Duke game.


And who do you think she was cheering for?
Davidson. I know she was cheering for Davidson.

Thanks for the segue into basketball, which doesn't really relate to Zoë but is something I wanted to talk to you about.
Okay.

When you were a Cameron Crazy, what was your favorite cheer?
My favorite cheer (pause) would have to be (long pause)... hmm, that's a good question. I think - there's two that come to mind. The first one is at the tip-off, when you jump - everybody jumps up and down in rhythm, to the beat of a bass drum, until the ball is tipped. And then, as soon as the tip is made, they start with a "Let's Go Duke" chant, the standard. Then my other favorite one is when everybody yells, "Bounce!" when there's a dribble, "Pass!" when there's a pass, and "Shoot!" when they shoot it.

Yeah, that is a good one.
And then my other favorite one is when they start counting down too early on the shot clock and they make the team shoot before the shot clock's out.

The opposing team.
Yes, the opposing team.


Did you like me as a child?
Yes. I liked you a lot, Beth.

Okay. Good. What sport do you think I could beat you in? Be honest.
Umm... any sport that involves dancing? Probably figure skating. Gymnastics. There's (looong pause) I know there's something else. You used to be able to beat me in soccer, when we were young.

When I had, like, two feet on you?
When you were bigger and stronger than me.

That didn't last long, that time. What's your favorite ice cream?
That would have to be lemon ice cream from Carolina Cones.

And when are we going to go get some?
Probably tomorrow.


Okay. What do you like most about your new job?
I like - I like when a patient has a request, like "I would like some orange juice," or, "Can you bring me the TV remote?" and I'm able to do it very easily.

Would you like me to make those requests of you more often?
(Laughs) Yes! But I would not like for you to have a stroke.


That's good clarification. What's your favorite game on "The Price is Right"?
Hmm. Another good question. (Pause) What is my favorite game on "The Price is Right"?

Take your time.
There's one - I'm not even sure what the game is - there's a little, I guess there's like a little set of a mountain climber -

Oh, yeah, the mountain climber game!
The mountain climber game, where the mountain climber goes up the thing, and it's playing this yodeling music, and if the mountain climber goes too far and falls off the mountain then you lose. I always liked that one. But I also like your standard Plinko.

What was the one we watched today that was really cool? Bop - Bonk It?
Half Off?

No, the one with the Army guy running around trying to do it? What was that called?
Not Flip-Flop. I don't know what that one was called.

That was a new one. Bonk It, or something.
Bonk It.


When do you think you'll get to go on "The Price is Right"?
Hopefully as soon as possible. I'd like to go on - maybe that's a good thing I should do this year.

Seems like a good goal for '09.
(Laughs) Yeah. Maybe that's my New Year's Resolution.

Any other goals for the coming year?
Goals for the coming year... Yeah, I've got lots of goals for the coming year. I'd like to get good grades in my classes. I would like to complete a half-Iron Man. I would like to go to the U.S. Homeless World Cup. Well, I guess it's not really a World Cup if it's U.S. The U.S. Cup in Washington, DC, over the summer. I would like to... be on "The Price is Right"!


(Giggles) Who's the better pool player, you or Tim?
(Very long pause)

(Laughing)
That's not a good question. That's a little obvious. All you have to do is look on the chalkboard at Mom's house.

Alright. Moving on. What are you most looking forward to doing with Zoë this year?
I am looking forward to - maybe some words, maybe some walking and talking. Maybe swimming in the pool with Zoë. Maybe changing a diaper or two.


Great. Do you think your new role as a father of a young cat is going to make you a better or more negligent uncle?
I'll be a better uncle. There's no doubt about that.

What's been your biggest parenting challenge so far?
How to deal with biting.

Ooh. That's tough.
I think the best way is - you stick a finger down their throat when they bite your hand, so they gag.

Should I try that when Zoë starts teething?
Mmhmm. Just gag her.


"Just gag her." Nice. Alright, is there anything else you'd like to share with our millions of blog readers out there?
You know, I'm very happy and privileged to be the first person interviewed for the blog, and I see nothing but good entries for the future.

Well, you've really set the bar high, Curtis. I appreciate it.
My pleasure.